I‘ve been thinking about writing a year end blog post for more than a week now. But I can’t decide what to write about! Should I revisit & review the year gone by? Or should I write about resolutions for the coming year?
I could write about resolutions; but on second thought I rarely keep resolutions, although I really should. You ask why? I’m afraid I won’t stick to them & end up feeling way too guilty & miserable.
So, my brain tells me why go to all that trouble & better think of writing about something else.
Back to square one, what should my year end post be about? Think, my dear brain, think!
After a lot of thinking (& I’ll spare you by not putting into words the details of those thoughts) I’ve decided I’ll just follow my heart & write. You & I shall together discover what this post turns out about.
Ready or not, here I come! This sounds like I’m trying to scare you into not reading any further. Trust me, I’m not! I hope you’re still here & that you’ll make it to ‘the end!’
Talking about year end, what was your year end like last year, 2017? I bet it wasn’t much different from this year. I’m making this little assumption because my year end time feels a lot similar to last year’s.
It’s not like nothing has changed, as a matter of fact a lot of things have! But the feelings underneath it all, remains quite the same.
And, what is this ‘feeling’ & how do I describe it to you? One word (or probably two) comes to my mind when I think about this feeling- ‘bitter-sweet’.
Life is bittersweet, some say! I agree with them, life is indeed bittersweet. It is, it has always been & I’m pretty sure it always will be.
I remember the night of 1st January, 2018. It was a good night, we (me & my family) had a nice celebratory dinner. I went to bed after dinner & couldn’t go to sleep.
It was just like couple of other nights before that night. I was feeling anxious & (to be honest) pretty depressed thinking about my current non employability!
Most of us begin our journey into the professional world with almost too many hopes & expectations. But they don’t call it ‘the big bad world’ for no reason!
The big bad world will inevitably crush all our naive expectations & dreamy hopes. Some of us are good at coming to terms with that & some struggle with accepting the ways of the world.
I was going through a similar struggle from within. It isn’t pleasant to live inside a mind that is in turmoil. And, it wasn’t nice living inside my mind; which went into silent warfare every now & then!
Life wasn’t all bad even with my distressed mind. I was safe & sound within the walls of my home, along with my fam. We can never thank God enough for the well being of our loved ones, can we?
So, I guess life was bittersweet for me. And, I’m thankful & grateful for that.
That same night of 1st January, I along with my depressed mind started off this blog. We named it educated unemployed Indian, the most appropriate name I could think of at that time.
Some people say that depressed people can be very creative. Now, I don’t know whether it was creativity or depression that is the cause of this blog’s existence!
It’s been a year now and this blog has turned out to be my answer to all the distress over my non employability. Today, I no longer think of myself as educated unemployed Indian; rather as educated self-employed Indian!
There is a long way to go & a lot of work to do before I can achieve the above change in true sense. But that’s okay, because I’m not looking for any shortcuts here!
The past year had been a bitter one. It was most bitter dealing with so much of anxiety within the world of my thoughts.
And, the misery over seeing the wretchedness of the world outside! If you start thinking about everything that is wrong with the world, your mind will be gripped in a frenzy by thoughts of panic & fear.
Contradicting my own words, the past year had also been the most sweet one. I got to connect with my own thoughts like never before and connect with so many of you- my kindred spirits.
Sometimes a single kind thought can change one’s life. It wasn’t a single thought but to my good luck it was so many of your most kind thoughts, that has most definitely changed my life! I don’t think there was any other year or time of my life when I felt more encouraged & appreciated.
Thank you for being the sweet part of my bittersweet life.
This is the end of this blog post & I still don’t know what to call it about! Should I call it, 2018: the year of self discovery? What do you think?
Please do share your thoughts 🙂