‘Heartache Journal‘ is writing in a journal about anything that makes the heart ache. This is a series where I share some thoughts close to my heart, and write about them like I would write in a journal!
It’s been a while since I wrote anything in the heartache journal. I have tried a few times, but terribly failed at the attempts to lighten up my heart!
Do you find it hard to express your own feelings to yourself sometimes? I find doing this very hard, especially on those days when I feel there’s a need to (exactly) do so. Isn’t that strange?
But today I’ll put some thoughts in here, even at the risk of making zero sense! Our hearts needs a heart to heart talk every once in a while and we all must give it to our poor-overworked-dear hearts!
I have been thinking about how deeply some of the things about our parents hurts us, and keep hurting us for a long long time. The memories of such hurtful times even shape us and our thoughts about a lot of important aspects of life.
This is a very complex matter and I do not have a clear understanding of it. What I do know and understand are my own experiences and observations.
Growing up in a completely dysfunctional family gives you ample opportunity to gather those kind of experiences and observations.
It goes without saying that parents have a huge influence on anyone’s life. They are the most important factor in the unit called family.
The societal impressions about the roles of parents are repeatedly formed on our minds from an early age. These impressions about how parents are supposed to be, makes it very hard to think against the predetermined roles set by the society.
Can we think of our parents as not our parents but as everyday folks, just your average person! We can’t or even if you can, you must admit it’s hard. My parents aren’t supposed to be anything but my parents!
This is exactly what makes it so hard to deal with all the hurt and pain caused by or because of our parents. How can we deal with something that’s not supposed to be? My parents aren’t supposed to be selfish or careless or negligent or partial or mean or simply anything that’s hurtful in anyway.
I thought my parents aren’t supposed to be those things, but during various occasions throughout life they have been those things. Did that hurt me? I don’t really think there’s a need to answer that.
But that doesn’t mean they have never cared or loved me. On a few other different kinds of occasions throughout life, they have shown love and did the things society approves as the things supposed to be done by parents.
So, what meaning should I make of such contradictory nature of my parents. And, I know mine aren’t the only ones who make these contradictions! Society has no explanations to provide me in this matter, I suppose!
The only thing I can conclude is that our parents aren’t just our parents, they are people. People are imperfect, flawed and some of us people will always have some or the other character deficiency. It’s nothing personal to me or to my parents, it is actually how people are supposed to be.
Imperfect – the only thing we should have been told people are supposed to be!
Thinking so makes it easy to let go of the hurt, at least some of it. If any of these makes any sense to you and helps you to let go of some of your hurt, that would make writing in this journal today worth it!
And since no parents were hurt ( I never named any names & you don’t know my parents) during the writing of this post it is probably worth writing about. Let’s hope so!
Do share your thoughts on this topic.
Thank you so much for reading! 🎎